Flying: Gravity Prevails

9:00am I get to school on a bright Saturday to participate in the carpool. I didn't want to drive so my husband dropped me off. I blended into the crowd debating if I really wanted to there or under my covers back home. It was an unsettling scene and all I wanted to do is run but I sat in my pew just like everyone else. After a few hours we all returned to the school. A friend drove me home. I don’t remember much that mid morning….it’s a little foggy.

5:00pm I again have my husband drive me to my meeting. I still didn’t want to drive or I knew I wasn’t capable of driving. I wasn’t capable of doing a lot. From here on is what people told me what happened…I was slow and blank stares…I did get my laptop up and running but had trouble remembering how to do PowerPoint. Someone came up and wanted to help but eventually I kind of took possessive actions. That’s when my sponsor took over and got me outside before anyone else knew. Phase two….the ride….all I could hear was “Keep swallowing” Phase Three….bright lights….and more stuff to swallow. Hours later I hear “get dressed your chariot awaits…where am I? Is this a dream? I felt so numb…I don’t remember moving but I must have because I entered into Phase 4 – That’s when the subconscious turns into conscious and I hear my husband yelling at me…he was very angry….I just wanted him to stop…I just wanted to sleep but I have questions to answer…I don’t know the answer….I don’t want to know the answer. Finally as phase 4 turns into dawn…I get some peace…I felt weird sleeping in my clothes but I didn’t care…

The morning after…I get woken up early and told I can’t be in my room….so I take my blanket out to the common area….just laying on the couch with a blank stare…what do I do now…I just wanted to cover up in the blanket. It was so cold or I was so cold. Reality hit and I was at rock bottom AGAIN!!

Sleepy

One of the loveable character from Snow White…SLEEPY:Sleepy sneaks in his Z's anytime and anywhere he can, but none of the other dwarfs ever complains. Maybe that's because he works just as hard in their diamond mine as the others, albeit in a more relaxed fashion. In fact, he's so relaxed, and yawns so widely, that the resident housefly keeps buzzing into his mouth in hopes of finding a nice warm home. But even on the perpetual verge of a nap, Sleepy turns out to be twice as observant as his fellows when it most matters. Strangely goaded and prodded by the forest animals outside their mine, none of the dwarfs can figure out what's going on until Sleepy yawns, "Maybe the old Queen's got Snow White." Thanks to Sleepy, the dwarfs are soon off to the rescue.

Oh to sleep…a deep sleep…sometimes you just don’t want to wake up to the alarm….sleep, that’s all I want to do!!

Not Just another Day

It all started at 11:30 pm on Friday. Brent & I were getting snuggled into bed when th phone rang...not a good sign. I answer it and it was Steve. He wanted to call me to let me know that Greg's son drowned that night and he didn't know anyone eles to call. Both of these guys are instructors I work with...I remembered when Greg's son was born.

Tomorrow is the funeral...I can't really sleep (even with the meds and my eyes are really red and hurt all over11) I'm not sure if I can make it through this service.

So sad....just don't understand....on Saturday, in group, a girl (I call her a girl...she is still under 20 and has 3 kids already and found out this week she expect a 4th...she bitter towards it...on and on she went about how it's going to effect her relationships with her current boyfriend and her oldest daughter (8 y/o) I bawled listening to her talk...it was so hard not to want to get up cross the room and shake her into what a blessing it is and be thankful. I just don't understand...

Now it goes back to the furnerl...the boy was barely 2 (his birthday was this month)...to have a child and then have it taken away so soon and so sudden...my heart feels what she must be going through...I hope it's a closed casket....




Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day
When we would have to say 'goodbye'
Sad eyes, turn the other way (turn the other way)
I don't wanna see you cry (cry, cry, cry)
Sad eyes, you knew there'd come a day (he-e-e-ey)
When we would have to say 'goodbye'
Sad eyes

Just another Day

unusally normal

Cleansing Showers?

As a steady rain passes over my world…I just sit in the middle of it…

in the middle of the night…anesthetized

Ground ZERO

OK...SO IT'S OK FOR AN ADULT TO HAVE A TANTRUM.....I'M PLAYING MY CARD!


Just is there anyone out there to care?

Whispers

Hopeless - adjective: without hope because there seems to be no possibility of comfort or success

Ruminating - to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly

Avoidance - dismissing or a quitting; removal; withdrawal

escape - an inclination to retreat from unpleasant realities through diversion or fantasy

worse - something inferior in quality or condition or effect

Togetherness

If we all could just get along...but then again...how do you get to become a dog/cat...such a rough life - eatting, sleeping and cuddling with people who love you! I'm mean really love you!

Picture squared

A Princess in the making is about all you can say about Josie! (Josephine Elizabeth Cooper)…she was the little miracle that entered into our lives. I can remember that June/July day. I got home from work and my husband was already home. I knew I had to get dinner started because I had a class to teach that night. He came into the kitchen. I really don’t remember exactly what he said but he told me to go out to the backyard, he had a surprise for me…. (a dog was not even on my radar!) I barely got out the door and was greeted with a tongue and a wagging tail. She was so cute…but I looked at my husband because in March I had just put my dog to sleep – he was 11 years old and his hips were degenerating and he was in pain. It was then that we decide to wait for a while before getting another dog. (in other words, I wasn’t supposed to bring home a stray – I’m usually the sucker between the two of us – or so I thought.) Brent told me that she just wondered into the warehouse and sat in front of his desk. He put some water out for her and she just laid yed down not to be in the way of other workers. When Brent would get up – she followed. The guys were giving him a hard time that she picked him. She was friendly to others but she didn’t let Brent out of her sight. I would say she won his heart when she first sat at his desk, but after a couple hours, she was his! He took her home and put her in the back yard with water.

I can’t imagine where she came from. The warehouse is in an industrial park and there aren’t really any homes/apartments near by. It was as if someone just dropped her off. (I hope not) She looked like she had been out for about 2 to 3 weeks. Her hair was matted and I don’t think it had ever been really cut.

For getting dinner, I immediately brought her in to the kitchen and gave her a really good bath (I didn’t see bugs…but you know she had to have some)…I used the blow dryer on her (she actually liked it) and was able to comb out most of the mattes. I left her with Brent as I went to class. She didn’t have a name yet…we were just calling her girl. By the time I got home…I had a name….Josephine Elizabeth Cooper, Josie for short! It is funny how I came to that name. I had a student in my day class and my night class and an example with it as well. It was if it would jump at you…when I got home, I asked Brent if he had any suggestions for a name. He looked at me and really hadn’t thought about a name (as she was in his lap cuddling) So I told him “I think her name is Josephine…Josie for short and her middle name with be Elizabeth because she is definitely princess quality.” I think he laughed at me but he started calling her Josie and she would answer to it as if it was her really name.

Josie is a carin/schnauzer terrier. No bunny rabbit or squirrel or bird was ever safe in our back yard ever again! Josie was an only child for the next 2 years. Then her sister appeared. Cautious of their interaction was interesting – I mean, Josie had caught rabbits bigger then Heidi….but they get along pretty much from the beginning. They both sleep with us in our bed. I love cuddling with both!

A Picture says a thousand words....

Here is the tiger of my life....she wondered into my mother-in-law's porch. She was so small but she love to come out of her hiding place as soon as you sat on the bench. I don't think I've ever heard her purrr but she has a small meow (it's a little bit louder now)

She would play with her sock toy (we still have) for as long as you were there. As soon as you would get up from the bench she would disappear.

My father-in-law wasn't too excited about the little critter my mil had started feeding. Brent's neice and I would carry her inside (which thrilled him even more) and she would stay pretty still. She wasn't too sure about the dog, Bandit. Eventually, I would have to leave and so back she went out to the front porch.

About a month that she had been around my fil had gotten really sick and my mil was staying at the hospital with him. But she was really concerned about this cat. So I went to their house and made sure she had water and food a couple of times...it's pretty funny for me to do this because I'm NOT a cat person. Well, she became part of our family one day (my husband told me to bring her home)

So that started the ball rolling...had to give her a bath every day for a week with flee shampoo...I scheduled her vet visit for a check up/spayed/ and de-clawed!! She has been the best cat I have ever been around. If she had been anything like what I have seen in the past....I would have been the first to take her to the pound.

No one had really given her a name but called her kitty....My neice and I had already named her Heidi because of the way she would hide and wouldn't come out until you sat on the bench. Each day she suprises me.

The Unknown

where does that lead? Am I skeptical? Pessimistic? the unknown factor - paranoid!

How do you feel today?

I guess I'm out of the norm because I guess I ask that question more then a couple times a day...in most cases, just thinking about that question...leaves me disappointed so therefore I don't feel good about the day.... but what if it was just a regular ordinary day with no bells or whistles...isn't that a good day.

"At the heart of every problem is a problem of the heart."

So I’m stuck and I guess I choose to stay stuck because I can’t see it getting any better but it can…if I really trust in God…but that’s where the line has been broken…people ask me what do I think I’ve done to be the one exception to God’s grace?....I don’t know how to answer that…it just doesn’t feel right.

Snap, crakle, POP

We went up to my mother-in-law’s house and watched tv there. I had brought some more morning glories but I didn’t light them there…after 4 or 6 hours, Brent took me to see the Oologha Dam fireworks…it really lasted a long time (for such a small town). There were some to ooo and awe about. What was really neat to see the fireworks going off as we drove into Tulsa (including Tulsa)

Happy Birthday America!!

Morning Glories

The Cooper Clan celebrated tonight with all the fireball power that possess 40 something old men (brothers) to regress back to their teenage years. Luckly, no major burns, no roofs set on fire...or the next door neighbors field. There was a pretty good bon fire...but I would be afraid to stick a marshmellow in that snap, craken flame.

It's ok for all the "big fireworks" but I'm easy...and cheap...I like morning glories (I used to like sparklers until I got a morning glory) They start out with a red glare....merging into a yellow and into the sparkley stage that I like to surround myself and feel the little sparks....then to a hot green and it's over. I take my time with each one I do....maybe it's that little girl inside creaping out...

Sunday Drive

It's hot...it's summer....it's July in Oklahoma...as I roll down the windows (manually - no power locks or windows - what can I say...it's an escort!) The wind blows in to the car...hot air...every little piece of paper (trash) floats around the inside…(I really need to clean my car again!!) I breathe in deeply as the heat passes through my nose and deep into my lungs. My brain is telling me – screaming at me to roll up the windows and turn the AC on – full blast. What seem like an eternity turned into about 5 minutes before I came to my senses and turned the ac on and settled into a cooler bliss. For some reasons, I look at no ac as a physical punishment I can endure…I deserve it. Then I pull into the parking lot…turn off the ac and got out of the car and headed into the church.