Thursday, July 23, 2009

Who Reigen on my parade!

Of all days. When things are already sad - a friend called me high maintenance.

WOW

When did I become a burden to her? As with most relationships I'm more on the reserved side of my reflections I TRY HARD TO KEEP THAT WHOEVER I AM A GOOD PERSON... so forgive me if I tell you what is really troubling me or how I really feel!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Whinne & Cheese

I sooooo want a dead drop sleep that I a) don't dream or can't remember b) not wake up at 2 am and c) that I don't have to deal with people. No interaction!!!

iPhone
surfing 24/7

Saturday, July 18, 2009


As a 42 year old female I sometimes regress into that 10 year old who thinks I know everything or pretending to know everything so that I can be liked by all. Liked by All...whoa that is a profound thought. Can't I be liked by everyone -- am I different enough not to be liked? ok I know back then (and maybe now) I was pretty immature and very annoying. What did I get from that -- maybe some attention but I think more I got isolation. What I craved was acceptance.

The joyful child - I look at this figurine and saw myself sitting on the floor with a hundred other kids listening to Jesus talk. He was gentle and kind with words and he was willing to answer all kinds of questions....there's where I sit...on the side with my head turned away from all eye contact...just waiting.....

if he really cared, he'd see me
if he really cared, he'd comfort me
if he really cared, I wouldn't be so lost
if he really cared, life would be more fair!
if he really cared, I’d know

feeling is just an emotion – when emotions control the thought process – is there a way to break that runaway train doomed for failure

Friday, July 17, 2009

scaried cat

reality has me hiding back into my shell --- i just want to go home, i just want to be by myself, i just want things to be fair!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Melt Down

Ahhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr I'm not sure how to explain all of the emotions I feel. It's borderline anger or crying just it's so intense and so out there I don't know how much more timewise can I take. I want to RUN. I mean leave. Be done! Finished! Out of here! God Help Me Now!!!!