I feel

Or do I? Can I? Probably not! I don't know anymore...I'm not sure who I am or what want to do.

Lost with in the sky
And tear drops in my eyes
I don't know how far
I can heal that scar

My brain is fried
My heart aches
My arm hurts

living on borrowed time

as my laptop battery keeps bleeping...i still have to sit and ponder a moment of my day. i had a mental health day from work...too tired to fight the normalicy of my plain jane world for now. So i went to work in my home office and clear out stuff so that my husband can switch the office furniture around and move stuff out blah, blah ok whatever...

i needed to get a fill and had one nail with the creepy cruad...(now the iPhone to save the thought)

I walked into my usual place...I've tried other nail shops but this one of course is way across town and I keep coming back. as I sat down, he was finishing up with another customer. I gather from the conversation she went to church with him. So I just to notice about her. Most likely in her 70s-80s. Dyed red orange hair. Wearing a purple plum sweatsuit. Had a flowery purplish organic top. But what amazied me. Was her shoes. Purple leather tennis shoes. I began to wonder. Does she have other outfits the coordinate as well? Does getting her nails done make her day? And this is the highlight of the week to dress up in all purple?

So past the passion. I take note of her hands. Very distinct for an old woman. Very thin skin that shows the veins and dark spots. The swollen areas cause by age and use. Arthritis permanently set. But her nails. He has gently created a focus that looks beyond the fraility of her years.

I look at my own and wonder what she sees. I look again and wonder what a much younger girl would think.

Dizzy

I'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool, it never ends
And it's you GOD, making it spin
you're making me dizzy