Happy Holidays

So a week has quickly past and all is the same or so it may seam I guess I should say. I've kept mostly to myself because I can't trust what will come out of my mouth. The migraines are worse the more I try not to think but the allergies/cold/cough is never ending cycle with sleepless restlessness of horrors thoughts...

How do people cope? How can you make sense of stuff that is senseless? Cruel? Death of the innocence? I don't understand? I cry and I don't know why!

Christmas Day with family at the in laws. At least it was pleasant and kind. Still riddled with the migraine and Brent has no understand... Some well thoughtful gifts others ok but then again I did the same.

To be continued...

Blue skies

to make sad or gloomy; lower in spirits; deject; dispirit -- lessen the activity

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

I hate funerals! How sad! How emotionally draining! Painful! Longings to isolate into nothing because I feel like a nothing! Nothing is ever good enough!

omg

in lowercase sense
----------
I feel old
My back hurts
My neck is stiff
My brain is pulsating
My fingers are sore and painful from chewing off the nails

There us no life

idc

i don't care

Struggles

The three statements in assertive communication are:
“I think…” I would rather die
“I feel…” like my head is possessed
“I would like…” more drugs!!

The game

"May the odds ever be in your favor" I feel lost and a puddle of tears about to shed at the thought of another dreadful Saturday night. I can't keep it together using a Mac I feel so hopeless and out of control. This week full of nightmares of childish memories brought back to life under a cloud of darkness. The woman I dispized, HATE - yes the strongest emotion that causes so much pain guilt and shame. parts of me are ready to die. "May the odds ever be in your favor"

Froggie

The moments dizzy by hours of confusion. I'm find my humanity is returning after a unique experience of a strain flu like feature I care not to have ever again!!!

I've lost time from hours to days TGIF

If I say it will I believe it?

i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!! i don't care!!

I don't think I believe in anything anymore

Give/TAKE

The Golden Rule: treat others as you want to be treated.
The Platinum Rule: treat others as they want to be treated.
This doesn’t just apply to guests; this goes for all your co-workers, your boss, and anyone else for that matter.

I feel like the doormat and yet I'm supposed to be assertive but that's being insubordinate. I want to screen "really???" "are you KIDDING me??". "REALLY!!!!" WOW

16 lashes with a wet noodle (ok a mallet will surfice!!!!

Getting by....

The compliance side of the two edge sword - talking about 8 years of coping? Misery? Emptiness? Shallow/hollow?

Seven Years - really, REALLY!!!!!!!

When will DAY ONE begin

tormoil is over-rated as the explaination of a melt-down....

what makes a good day for it to be DAY ONE...is it a half a day, is it an hour, or is it a minute, second, or -- is it just a moment?

5/17/12 is this the day or was 5/12/12...what are numbers anyways...is one number better than the others?

what is the PERFECT date?

Singing the Blues

See you later, alligator
After a while, crocodile
Bye-bye, butterfly
Give a hug, ladybug
Toodle-ee-oo, kangaroo
See you soon, raccoon
Time to go, buffalo
Can’t stay, blue jay
Mañana, iguana
The end, my friend!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm angry at stupid people
I'm angry at myself for being angry at stupid people!!!

The aches and pains adds to the stress that I can't cope with.........

I've lost myself and hate the way I feel...

Stress Factor

I really want to find a small dark hole and crawl into and hide from my life. Having to stay at work bytes.

Does anybody listen to me? Why can't they hear me? I feel alone in a crowed of humans.

iPhone Slobbering

Running in fumes

“I think…insignificantly"
“I feel…uncontrollable"
“I would like…to understand the why's"

Lost in a crowded room of thoughts - the good, the bad and really ugly!!!

Silent Scream

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtt

Wished I could die!!!!!!

Freaked Out

I don't know why I am crying in the middle of Cheddar's. Well not in the middle - in the back corner of the bar waiting for the to go order. ANXIETY heighten by the sensitivity of panic growing leaps and bounds.

I guess I've grown old and that doesn't matter!!!! I feel like I don't matter. I'm tired. I'm done. It doesn't matter does it?

No one knows me anymore because to them - I'm just fine! F.I.N.E.

Hopelessness

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me


How often I feel like I'm failing everyone who cares about me. I can't put my emotions into words that hold the meaning or thoughts or actions. I don't even understand myself how can't I explain that to someone else?

thoughts...

The subtlety of despair and hopelessness lies in the difference between the two. One speaks of despair the other in frustration and anguish against all odds. A higher power intervenes at his own time – the straight path veers into the winding road that alludes all hope and comfort…the gone astray of one’s self and the care of anything sees know point in everything… resign all aspiration to live or face the unknown…

Down under

I feel like I'm drowning! Panic. Anxiety. The emotional dread. EMOTIONAL DREAD!

No outlet to vent hence "the end of the world"

WIIFM

WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME

Life drags on the bottom
Why?
Hurts
Habits
Hang ups

I am powerless.....
to understand
to control
to accept change
to want find the hope ....