Lights, camera, ACTION!

Center stage, full spotlight...and I'm the main character. How everyone around me effects me...How I effect others. Isn't that what day to day living gets us? I tend to analize my reactions...if I don't think I reacted well, I think I was bad or I should of been this way more, sooner, stronger, less emotional! Controlled! So this week, it's my story...it's all about my reactions and how I feel...how do I feel? I feel vulnerable...that I have to be on guard because if I'm not someone is out to hurt me if I let them! Which leads me to withdrawal from this world and this reality! I just don't want any part of it...being in a group of people makes me anxious then panic sets in...thought processes revert back to old habits...it all comes down to -- am I really worth the time for someone to know what I really think! You'd think after having the same thoughts over and over that I could change my reactions. I so ready for this day to be over...crawaling under the covers and dreaming...of a better place, a better time!