Closet Cry

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

i'm dying or wanting to die

you know when your at the ends of the day and yes even staying a home leads to places and things you shouldn't go....i really don't mean everything i say or everything i think -- i just struggle with what is life!

The True Confessions of an intravert in an extrvert body

The SHE CAVE - one's place that's comfortable, safe from the reality of a crewl unjust, unfair world. 10x13 2 windows are optional no windows are preferred (alternative is what some would call a closet)


I'VE DECIDED TO WITHDRAW INTO THIS CAVE FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS - to much conflict and I finally shut down.


It's a beautyful day I think. Maybe it's time to come out and see my shadow.
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iPhone ramblings

Hostility

ANGER
MAD
INSANITY
UNCONTROLABLE
BOILING RAGE

i deserve pain

The family fued

Ok so I think the COOPERS missed on the hatfield & mccoys. They just fight among each other--young or old

ash to ash -- dust to dust

rambling thoughts -- i sometime just wonder where people's minds go sometimes. they ask the same question and i respone with the same answer and then they turn around and ask the same question in other words...which in turn, i answer with the same answer (same words) -- i really don't know why people are stupid. why they cannot comprehend english...now granted it COULD be me because i'm aweful at speaking perfect english -- i don't know. it just is one of those things that i'm on auto mode. it's like answer the phone -- if i know who you are -- i answer it like that BUT if i don't know -- then i have that OTHER voice....even brent can't recognize it --- i'm other person asnwering a stupid question in the MOST polite and sweet manger....BALLHHAHA... what a crock! so the topic should have totally lost most people and no interesting in reading a blog let alone my blog -- so you know, when this life as i know it right now is OVER, i want to just be dust -- turned to ashes and dumped in a hole and a rose bush!!! that's it...that's all i want.....i don't need anything else.....and it's not like i've made anything significant to this world to be notice after death --- yes that's just what i want.....................ash to ash -- then dust to dust! hmmmm to dream and wish for this WORLD TO BE OVER WITH!!!!

meOW

CAN'T I JUST BE LIKE HER!!! AND WHEN I MEOW -- PEOPLE BACK OFF!!!

pull over!!!!

Monday Morning: running late becasue i just didn't like any of the outfits i had put on -- eweee i'm getting soooo fat! UGH! -- texted co-worker that i'm running late....great!!!

get in the car (love my car) and hit the road! can't catch a break and hit almost ever red light there is..............finally pass all major traffic and from 71st to creek turnpike -- smooth sailing....(just a eye on the reveiw to make sure nothing is coming fast behind me.....

one more exit and i'm there --- toll booth (oh no... is that...am i...crap)

pulled over....turned off the radio......and rolled down the window (ok...i rolled down 3 windows trying to figure out which one is the driver's -- God, power everything is still hard to get used to)
"do you know you were going 73 through the toll booth?"
"aajbbbaaaahhmmmmm -- i just got this car....its new to me and uhmmmm"
"well, i'm going to give you a warning, it will be a few minutes"

(GREAT! doesn't he know i'm late enough!)

as much as i can laugh at this now -- i wasn't laughing for a couple of days -- it's also fitting to make the added information that i pull over right under the speed limit sign that said 70.....another 100 feet and i'd only be 3 miles over!!!!

If a malet could talk

One lump or two

dissapointment

So, honestly, I truly hate myself. I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate what I think. I hate where I'm heading and i can't seem to stop. I know I expect someone to hold me accountable? But no one came read my mind. No one has picked up on the suttle hints I say. Is this who I've been most of my life? Why should I care so much about what others will think of me? Why do I expect everything to revolve around me. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I HATE MYSELF. it isn't or shouldn't ne a out me. I am old enough to STOP PLAYING these mind games. Mind games - how FAR can I go without going over the edge? How stable am I? Is there or will there be someone else to care? Brent's there but does he get me or does be feel responsible?

THE MORE I TRY TO RATIONALIZE THESE FEELINGS. THE MORE I THINK I HATE MYSELF!

Dissatisfied = [discourage] = bitterness = anger = hate = rage = punishment

I WANT OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER! I SO WANT TO BE DONE AND AGAIN SEE WHAT THE NEXT HELL WILL BRING!

Where Are You God? It's Me! I can't hear or what am I suppose to hear! I'm not sure what I'm to listen for!!!


IPhone rant

moods swings from left to right or right to left

I really hate myself - why is that soooo wrong!!