dissapointment

So, honestly, I truly hate myself. I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate what I think. I hate where I'm heading and i can't seem to stop. I know I expect someone to hold me accountable? But no one came read my mind. No one has picked up on the suttle hints I say. Is this who I've been most of my life? Why should I care so much about what others will think of me? Why do I expect everything to revolve around me. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I HATE MYSELF. it isn't or shouldn't ne a out me. I am old enough to STOP PLAYING these mind games. Mind games - how FAR can I go without going over the edge? How stable am I? Is there or will there be someone else to care? Brent's there but does he get me or does be feel responsible?

THE MORE I TRY TO RATIONALIZE THESE FEELINGS. THE MORE I THINK I HATE MYSELF!

Dissatisfied = [discourage] = bitterness = anger = hate = rage = punishment

I WANT OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER! I SO WANT TO BE DONE AND AGAIN SEE WHAT THE NEXT HELL WILL BRING!

Where Are You God? It's Me! I can't hear or what am I suppose to hear! I'm not sure what I'm to listen for!!!


IPhone rant