waiting

i seem to be just waiting for something to happen. life always happens....not really exicited about change my psychitrist. The one I've had for the last 8 months left and i guess i trusted him becasue he didn't put up with my bull shit...kind of like my counselor does too. I guess i should take some responsibility for the first dr i saw. He was easy to push over becasue i think i knew more then he did! (I think was the key in that sentence). but now, i'm supposed to just pick and feel comfortable. I went with my counselor's recommendation but i didn't like her. I guess i expect her to at least read my file instead of me hitting the highlights....it was tempting to see if she would allow me back on the meds that made me a zombie....all the good old days! NOT! I'm not really motivated to see another....i have 2 more refills before i have to see someone. is that the start of a new game???? do i really want to play? do i really want the results of the outcome?