"Boiling" Springs

To try another Hot springs was an understatement but I first should explain why I decided to go take another bath (not that I haven't been bathing all the time I was here! ha) Monday, I went on a 2 hour horseback ride through the mountain terrian. It was soo cool. At first I was the beginner rider holding the reigns so tightly. I had a good little horse named "buttons". She was a ten year old mare. She of course know I was a little hesten to be on her and she had her way in which direction to go until I could get used to steering! (I have a brusie on my knee to prove where she ran me into a tree! haha) Go up the mountain seems so much easier as a rider then going down. I didn't know how many knee muscles I had until I finally got off at the end of our journey. One of the best parts was crossing the babbling brook (twice). Buttons of course had to get a drink in the middle of the stream which was fun! This leads me to going to the hot springs closer to where I'm staying. It was 140 degrees and oh how good it felt on my muscles I haven't used in such a long time! It was so peaceful. The pools were set next to another babbling brook and it was just so quiet and restful. My body really liked it and I did sleep pretty well that night. My time here is almost over and I'm looking forward to go home. Hopeful I have learned a few things that will keep me going.

Cottonwood Pass

I took a little drive up a few mountains...and got to the top of what was called Cottonwood Pass (over 13000 feet) it was only 60 degrees there with a strong wind. But the best part of it was there was still some snow on the ground. Being the typical tourist, I had to make a snowball and throw it as far as I could. HA I did a little hiking and took lots of pictures I hope turn out. After feeling like I fail a personality test...I was in awe of the beauty and could appreciate it more. I know how does someone fail a personality test...be opposite of the norm is the only way to describe my results. For once in my life I really wanted to be averaged!

"Hot" Springs...

no I'm not talking about Arkansas...I went to the Salida Hot Spring Aqutic Center...They have private bath tubs that you fill with actual water from the spring. Today it was only 100 degrees (cool for them) because there is still snow in the mountains...yes...in the middle of July there is still snow on parts of the mountain (I have pictures to prove it too! ha) It was just nice to relax and take in all that I'm doing here in Buena Vista.

"Walk-In" Computer Use....

Well, I've made it to Colorado and even have adventured out somewhat already. It's really beautiful here. One drawal back is I don't have access to a computer so much. So to solve this I went to the public library which is in a temporary house with only 6 computers....with peak season the waiting list was already 6 people long...I guess that's not to bad considering they only allow 30 minutes for each use and then you only get 1 hour for the day. So I guess I won't be blogging as much as I usually do...NOT! That won't stop me....Well, for now, I'll leave and enjoy the time I have before I have to get done to the work part of this trip. Thanks for stopping by!

Tight little package...

ok..so it's not so little but it sure is tight...in fact I had to pack 2 suitcases...just don't know what to wear so I'm bring just about everything I own (within reason -- winter clothes are still left in the closet except one favorite sweatshirt!) Can't believe I leave in a little over 11 hours...a little stressed, a little anxious but for the most part...comfortable in the decision to do this! I need to be in control of what I can control. Right now, I'm not sure what I'm in control of except what I think and that doesn't help the situations very much! One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one moment to enjoy.

TGIF...

It's Friday, friday, FRIDAY!!!!! OMG....can't believe it's finally here...my last day at work for the next 2 weeks! Friday....almost 55 hours until my plane leaves Tulsa!!! OK...now that I've completely flipped out over it being Friday....a few thoughts to blog (time to get serious -- Not)
Two thoughts on my mind that I guess I want to put down in writing just so I don't forget them.

First, HALT-B which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or bored...what I'm supposed to ask myself when I start to spiral down on my thoughts...which one of those is what is triggering that situation -- then change it...(that's the hard part!) Oh the work of Recognizing, Realizing, Replacing before I hit rock bottom!

Second thought, I came across 3 plaques that I think I'm going to buy...because I really like the saying if I can repeat it over enough maybe it would sink in sooner then later.

Today is a gift, Tomorrow is a promised hope, Yesterday is a wind at your back

Statistics-Addicted Influences...

Ok...if you reading this...your only one or two of my friend who I've given this link...I don't get a lot of traffic on my blog but I still have it sitemetered. I just read an interesting blog (that seem to be a hot topic with many links so you'll have to go and read it there) But I thought about 3 comments were pretty good or good enough for me to comment.

1. "And I trust that I have been able to be a blessing to others. It seems a terribly arrogant thing to say, but if I did not feel that was true, I could simply write my thoughts in a journal and keep it under my bed. Every blogger has to feel that he has something to contribute to others or he simply would not bother. As we have established, the cost otherwise is simply not worth the reward"

I've actually filled a journal and kept it under my bed but it wasn't enough for me...I was still keeping my thoughts to myself...maybe by sharing what's going on I'm helping the healing process and I guess I feel if I put it out there in a blog then I'm accountable for what I write...do I think I'm making an influence on other? Not really but maybe I showing that I do have some hope and that there are people out there that are going through what I'm facing they just haven't found my blog yet!

2. "The best things in the blogosphere are the connections you make, the relationships you form, and the posts that amuse, inform, and surprise - and those are things that can’t be measured ..."

I have shared with friend maybe one day with family but for the most part it does form friendships with others and it doesn't always mean I have to email.

3. "Chances are, you need to learn what's in your head and your heart even more than the rest of us do."

hot..Hot...HOT!

Well the weather report says it's only 93 degrees....but I swear its more like subzero in where I worked. I had to go out to my car to sit in heat just to thaw out! I must look pretty strange going to work in winter sweaters and long sleeve but I don't care! I used to like the cold but since I've lost some of my fat...I'm not quite sure that's that case anymore!

Purple Majesty...

A friend did something wonderful for me today...we had lunch...good lunch...and she brought me an amethyst neckless. A really big beautiful stone...not only do I love purple but it's also my birthstone so I know a lot about it but I thought I'd share it on my blog too.

Amethyst are the stone of the spirit...some say it's the first stone of recovery...while others say is means sobriety to them. I just notice that there is a fire in an amethyst that the light shines through. If you get into the weirdo stuff, some believe it is used as a dream stone and to help insomnia. Put an amethyst under your pillow to bring about pleasant dreams, or rub it across your forehead to offer relief from a headache. Although I've never tried I do find some peace when playing with one in the light. I tend to lean towards the Brazilian stone because of the color and clarity of a stone. While I have several stone this new one is very meaningful to me...I think I will wear it for a while...

tre's bien ensemble...tre's bien ensemble

To possess a sense of occasion...what is OCCASION? and how can you possess it?

1 : a favorable opportunity or circumstance

2 a : a state of affairs that
provides a ground or reason b : an occurrence or condition that brings something about;
especially : the immediate inciting circumstance as distinguished from the
fundamental cause

3 a : HAPPENING, INCIDENT b : a time at which something happens : INSTANCE

4 a : a need arising from a particular circumstance b archaic : a personal want or
need -- usually used in plural

5 plural : AFFAIRS, BUSINESS

6 : a special event or ceremony : CELEBRATION- on occasion : from time to time

As I was being held on hold for a very long time...the old beatles song was playing...I don't know what hit me but I just had to google "tre bien ensemble" to find out what it meant. It's something I just had to know. Why...I'm puzzled but it's kind of funny...isn't every moment by definition an occassion and taking possesion of that moment instead of living on the sidelines...I tend to do that now...living on the sidelines. This weekend was more hiding under the grass then any sidelines but I guess I'm out and watching again...one day I might want to play...who knows!

ps - the spider die today...of course don't know if it was the same one or a relative...it just went after me this time instead of my drink! ha

A foggy dawn morning...

After a 36 hours or so in a induced state of sleep...I'm wide a wake at 6:30 in the morning...can't seem to convenience myself to continue to induce sleep anymore...realitiy is still around the corner and I guess I just have to face what will come no matter what...

What am I most of afraid of:
Losing my job or being fired from my job...not that I can do the work but because of what others will think of me. I don't think it would have anything to with the way I work or get work done. It's all about perception and I'm afraid I've been labeled! Too many high ups will know personal information about me...I know, maybe I'm a bit paranoid but I don't think confidentiality has been used. They get around that with people "they think" should know because they would have direct contact with me.

OK then worse case scenario:
I lose my job...I could find another one and start over doing what I do well; I could adventure out and try a whole different field and use my EMT skills; I could sit at home and collect my unemployment checks while my husband works and wallow in self pity! I just hate the thought of being fired. Even as a temp I had never ever been fired. I've always done the best I could which was usually more then what was required of me! Fired has way to negative connotations that I think I would be devastated. It wouldn't be a good thing to happen with my frame of thoughts...frame of thoughts. I feel like the cartoon character with one conscience (evil) on one shoulder and the other (good) on the other shoulder. They are bickering back and forth using my mind as a tennis ball.

"Oh you can't do that...what would people think of you!"
"You'll get through it...take one moment a time..."
"how can you not see what's going to happen...it's just going to be so awful!"
"Don't worry about tomorrow, concentrate on the now...it will all work out!"

Creepy Eight-legged creatures...

eek! I can't believe I gave in to a spider for lunch today. Had to get out of the office so I went to the park to watch the squirrels. While sitting at the picnic table, a itsy bitsy spider the color of the stone was by my drink....moved the drink and the spider headed towards it again. Got up through away my lunch, came back sat down on the opposite cornor of the original spot...and here comes the spider again towards my drink...I was wondering if it had a death wish...but I didn't kill it -- so wanted to but it was the poor spider's fault! It was just weird and creepy how it was following me...now it sound paranoia but at the time I thought it was pretty funny. I finally got tired of moving my drink that I just left to go back to work.

Pillow Fight...

Well, I've been awake for the last hour and a half and finally decided that it was time to get up. Oh how I hate mornings! I used to be able to sleep though the fire alarm at college and now I'm wide awake at a meow of the cat...how unfair is that! I've tried to fall back asleep but my mind has decided otherwise...oh the wrestling with the pillows, sheets and dog (Josie thinks she has to sleep right next to my shoulder or head...when I toss and turn she is dead weight that I have to move her to get comfortable -- she is not always happy to be distrubed either!) To keep Heidi from waking me up...I generally ban her (close the bedroom door) so she can't get in...well obviously I didn't do that last night (guess I was already in pillow mode - in other words, the drugs were kicking in and I must become horizonal!) Oh an hour more to go until I can start getting ready for work! What to do in this hour?

Morning Glories

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God, may you good Spirit lead me on level ground. (Psalm 143:8-10)

Morning glories...after all the fireworks, the ones that I enjoyed the most where Morning Glories! How they start out in a hurry of a firey flame and towards the end into sparklers...this always seems to bring me to this passage in Psalms...I used it more as a prayer durning my college years. Now I'm just looking for the what is the level ground!

Dora's World....

Once upon a time there was this world in which Dora was out to save her best friend's friends....OK back to reality...I've been playing too much super nientendo (Mario's world)...but it does have some truth...don't we all think we can save others...from addictions, bad behaviors, and bad chioces. It helps to focus on someone else then dealing with things in our own lives. Saturdays, I go to a support/recovery group...this week was hard. Most of everyone's problems, habits, hang ups dealt with their childeren. Children...how alone in this room did I feel! Most of these women beat themselves up with shame from their past or how they yell at their kids or how bad of a mother they are when in fact they are a very caring parent who realizes that they are not perfect. Yesterday, the Cooper family got together to shoot fireworks...along came the newest addition, 3-week old Jagger (don't ask about his name...wouldn't have been my first choice either!) It was still pretty raw to see this helpless baby. Tiny hands and tiny feet & toes...how precious he was even though I'm not very fond of his father (Brent's cousin)... I couldn't hold him but I viewed from afar with urnings to hold. What does it feel like to be a mother? The tears of saddeness...oh how I want to go back to my own little world...

Post Note (7/4 @ 11:30pm) - Well, today was round two of the little muchin in which I couldn't resist to hold...oh what tiny fingers he had!

Chip off the old Block....

SPAM -- What is spam?

Spam is electronic junk mail or junk newsgroup postings. It often takes the form of an e-mail message sent to a large number of people without consent. Spam is usually sent to promote a product or service.

I just don't understand who comes up with the stuff that comes across my emails. It's not like I have any interest that should of generated the cookies that would tell someone I was interested in their product! To combat all the spam I have filters in place but recently I've been invaded...somethings have broken through what I thought was a tight barer! haha ...My secret... 3 emails....one to use for things that require an email address but I really don't want them to contact me (yahoo account); work email address for acquaintances (and they don't send everything forwards -- well one does but I never reply to them...guess that means I've broken many of many email chains...maybe that's what all "this" is from...not sending those emails onward -- NOT!!) Last account is my home address...which is the one that now has been invaded by spam...so I now have a few filters on it but hopefully I'm not blocking things I want to see. (who am I kidding...I check my email so often...I pretty much weed out the spam with the click of the delete button!)
Blocked...I've been on the recipient's end of being blocked to where I really thought this person wasn't ever going to repsond to my emails...oh how I hate to be on someone BLOCKED LIST! Unlike the philosophy of spam...emails true intention were to communicate with others without having to wait for snail mail! (you still have some people who are not computer savvy but hey...they're coming on slowly! ha) When I email...it's because I wanted that particular to person to know some information that I really want to share with them. It's important to me...of course I have to remember it's not always important to them and I should expect a reply or comment from them...(I, of course, think it is polite to send a reply even if I didn't think it was important to me...it was an FYI to me and I want that person to know I saw their email and read it...and then replied back to how I interpreted their information. Ok..this blog is on a interesting soap box...I didn't mean for it to go in this direction but it does make me wonder why I think email and checking my email is important to me. Some of my friends tell me that I'm checking my email a little more often then them -- ok a lot more often....I just want to be sure I don't miss someone and they think I'm not there!