Somewhere in the NIGHT.....

Was a lyric to a song I was listening to while I sat in bed with my husband waiting for him to fall asleep…“somewhere in the night, I will be there for you”

While I know, the intention of the songwriter was thinking more positive then I interpreted it this night. I have been dreaming dreams I don’t want to dream…some say it’s what you eat before bedtime while others say it’s your subconscious thoughts being expressed. There is also the theory of sleep habits…too irregular for me at most times of my life…but now it seems to be a choice that I don’t want to sleep because of what I dream I don’t want to dream….

The dreams are not all bad, but it’s the not those that you remember…it’s the others that frighten like when you were a child but there isn’t a parent to comfort a 39 y/o.

So how does a recurring dream become a real object into the conscious? I shutter at that thought because maybe I am vulnerable, sensitive, or impressionable to ponder such dreams that there is a connection between the subconscious and conscious.

So, somewhere in the night………….leads me to there will always be this type of dream. It’s similar to one that I’ve blogged about before………

White room, open area...I enter through a door like I’ve just come up a stairway…it’s almost too white, I think I’m wearing a white sheer dress that has extra fabric floating. To the right I see a glass dinning table set for 6…white dishes, gold silverware, crystal goblets. It is a very clean look. I turn my direction to the left where the kitchen is…all white floors, appliances, towels, -- it’s clean as though no one had ever cooked in this kitchen. There were lilies, like the ones you see at funerals….tall green stem white lilies. As I adventure into the kitchen I notice the bar like counter that over looked a sunken living room…I follow the sharp right angle corner of the countertop and take two steps into this area. Modern, clean, shades of whites – a couch, two Victorian chairs, a odd shape white marble coffee table...more cow lilies on the table but in a small bunch only to see the flower…I notice a strong sweet smell…next to the lilies are crystal wine glasses, too delicate to look at let alone use. I am standing in the middle of this room…looking at all the details but at the same time blinding by the whiteness…whiteness…

I look at the door that I’ve entered from…the only way in or out…that’s when I see something that takes my breath away…tiny drops of blood…trailing where I had been…crimson stains on a unblemished surface. Not far from my bare feet, is a knife, the source of the crimson drops…at this point the dream changes – I don’t think I’ve found the right ending yet or I would still be dreaming this same dream, sometimes my hands are bloody, or my feet leave blood soaked footprints, but the one that frightens me more and wakes me up in the middle of the night – in an instant, the carefree white dress I am wear is the crimson stained and the lilies have turned to dead red roses…the stench is unbearable. I wake up to a very dark room…with the cat at my feet and the dog by my side…then in that moment, I feel that “I will be there, for you” like its something very, very wrong………….