I can’t…He can…I’m gonna let Him!

The first three step of Celebrate Recovery...I've already done 4 & 5 working on six but still struggling with 3...Intellectually I know I can't do it myself...I can't rely on my emotions...I also know he can...but there's the BUT!!! I have to be willing to turn everything over to God. Makes me think a lot about the story in John 19:16-30. The rich young man. He did everything according to the jewish law...but Christ asked him to give up all his riches. Am I hanging on to my "riches" (mind you that isn't just money for me! ha) Why can't I see that God is big enough to handle my affairs...I know there is a plan for me...or a piece of the puzzle where I'm to fit into in this life. But I think (there's that but again) I'm change colors or change shape where I don't fit anymore where I am...I'm not who everyone thinks I am...I think that's my fault! In a few weeks I'm going to take a journey...it's already begun the day I committed to it. In more way then one it is an escape from my reality and I'm hoping a time where I can truly settle everything I'm struggling about God. I worry the what if's...what if it doesn't work...what if my husband is mad...what if my mom is disappointed...what if my parents way of raising me doesn't yeild into the goal "to raise an independent, fully functioning, adult woman who loves Christ with all her heart, soul, and mind."