Been down this road before....

you'd think I would know which way to turn!! Counting isn't an option anymore but the desire is there -- just would be a little harder to do in secret. Hitting isn't an option but the release of pressure would be a welcomed sigh of relief. Thoughts of "zoning out" are part of the scenery but because it's the escape I can only do but it's a fantasy -- not real. Do I want it to be real is the question I keep pondering and what are the consequences for those actions that would make it real. So the other question is what are my "real" options?