The Passion

So I took a mental heath day on Thursday....not sure how much of a mental health day it was or if it just was a day I wanted to shut down and have a mini "I DON'T CARE" day. Of course this day did involved taking medication for a “headache” , “backache”, “heartache”! I don’t want to say I wallowed the whole day…I did an errand in the morning for of all people, my boss (Leo)….it was his birthday on Saturday and I had to get the cake and card and that’s a whole other blog.

As I settle in my barker-a-lounger chair (mine’s smaller then my husband but still as comfortable with the right blanket and mushy pillow) and a large ice tea, drugs in process and I figured out how to play a dvd on my husband’s baby (HDTV sound system – whatever!) Since see the Di Vinci code…and my struggles of recent…it’s was time to watch the Passion….saw it once on the theatre screen but really wasn’t ready at that time to let it sink in. (not sure if I’m ready now either but it was something I thought I needed to watch)

In fact I watched it twice…I wanted to see it through Mary’s eyes….and to notice how John & the “other” Mary were there as well. Its hard for me to put into words what effects I can say watching it again had. It actually got me to remember of a hymn from my childhood.

O sacred Head, now wounded,
with grief and shame weighed down,
now scornfully surrounded
with thorns, thine only crown:
how pale thou art with anguish,
with sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish
which once was bright as morn!

What thou, my Lord, has suffered
was all for sinners' gain;
mine, mine was the transgression,
but thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior!
'Tis I deserve thy place;
look on me with thy favor,
vouch safe to me thy grace.

What language shall I borrow
to thank thee, dearest friend,
for this thy dying sorrow,
thy pity without end?
make me thine forever;
and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never
outlive my love for thee.

So how can I struggle with today’s problems when my sins have been paid for…what I am waiting for a punishment that is out there for me to fear? I wonder if what it was like to be there the last 7 days of Christ’s life. The gospels tell me what their account was…but I guess I’m in the doubting Thomas syndrome and want to experience it for myself. I’m stuck in the feelings then in the factually belief and faith.