"Obsessions refer to intense thoughts, worries, or images that are experienced as intrusive and unwanted...[it] is an unrealistic or overexaggerated worry or concern about something..."
I don't know why I think the way I do...it's just natural. Unfortunitly it isn't alway healthy! Greatest fear: not being wanted, accepted, valued for who I am. I try so hard to be what people want me to be when I fail it's all my fault. I could of done something different to get the right response I was looking for. Obsessing over every detail until I've driven myself crazy or internalized the anger into rage. What most people see on the outside...someone who doesn't smile...when on the inside raging storm...my most interthoughts imagining the worst case view point. Now the question is "who am I" if I can't answer that...how are others to see me or should that matter. I've recognized the emotions that I'm experiencing are irrational or illogical but at the time...the anxiety and stress are not. They are real fueled by my own thoughts. Gain strength each minute I dwell. The climax ending in a very self distructive behavior generally something that causes pain. The more intense the better the release. Are there other options out? Can I break the cycle...who am I kidding...I just replace one bad habit with another equally as bad that if not change will get out of hand...I am not in control and nobody knows how bad!
No comments:
Post a Comment