Second day in a fish bowl...and I'm keeping it together or am I. All I really want to do is cry. I'm not sure why or about what but I just want to sit down and cry. After coming home...early, I just cuddled in bed with Josie & Heidi until my husband got home then I had to fix dinner (well take out should be considered "fixing dinner") My husband doesn't understand the crying...it makes him feel bad too. So I have to try and hold it in just because...I feel like I'm so much on the edge and ready to jump again...and it's only been two weeks since the last plunge...I can't afford to do that again but that's the only thing stopping me.
Seeing the shrink last night didn't help...he changed my drugs a little bit...but didn't help with the tears...they come and go in waves and I wonder if I'm just creating a ocean of my own. And I'm all by myself -- I don't understand how do I expect others to understand. My sponsor thinks I'm just needing to trust God just a little bit harder, my accountability partner is continuely praying for me...not sure if that's a help! Then there is my counselor who I didn't get to see this week. I know he'd say hang in there...
They say tears are made up of different chemicals for each specific tear. Sad tears are different then painful tears - all I know is my tears are salty and my eye lids are so sore. I must make a perfect sight. Thank goodness I wear glasses so I can hide some of the puffyness.
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