It's the race til midnight

and I'm still up...actually I just got home. I had step study tonight and then we went out to eat afterwards. I ate sensible and reasonable. It was nice for a change. Although the topics were randomly pick...at least mine only came up once or twice...and I was able to shift the conversation away from me. I don't want to talk about me. All through the dinner I thought about me...clinically depressed me. How did I ever let it get this far? How am I going to change this? How can I explain to people...people in general, friends, family members...it's too stressful to think. If I just could ignor it ..then it would go away right?