Give & Take

Give and take...it's what this world is all about...maybe I buy into it too much. I've been overly obsessing with checking my emails. I expect a reply since I take the time to write an email. It's not like I'm sending mindless spam...but you know, the sendee doesn't have the obligation to respond back. Why do I still look for others approval. I feel like a little kid waiting for that pat on the head to tell me I'm good otherwise, I feel bad, sad, disappointed that I wasn't good enough for a word or two in reply. I think I could like on a few words here and there to get me through the day...get me through the day. Again, is that all there is to living? No, I've understand that's part of the misbeliefs I was raised to believe as truth. God's love is so amazing that each day I look at something he shows me just a little different. The last couple of days I fell back into the "old destructive thought patterns" and it's been a struggle just to get through the moments. But I realize today, I can be grateful for what God has done for me out of love. Today, I took communion because what Christ did for me on the cross and because no matter what I've done (physically, emotionally, & mentally) I am forgiven and worthy of his sacrifice. I have not been able to accept communion thinking I was not worthy because my thought processes told me I wasn't but God's word is truth. I can trust and accept it openly.